I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I’ve learned you can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that you better have a big willy or big boobs.
I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
I’ve learned that ex’s are like fungus, they just keep coming back.
I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
I’ve learned to say “Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke,” in six languages.