Category Archives: Life Lessons

“Murdering My Youth” and Y&R

You might not believe it, but it’s a totally BIZARRE coincidence that I am both releasing my book, “Murdering My Youth,” publicly, and having my first air day on Y&R TOMORROW, April 16th. I assure you, I planned to release the book in March, and then one hundred and one things got in the way. When I was able to get down to the nitty gritty of dotting every “i” and crossing every “t” it took far longer than I anticipated. Then Michael Logan asked when it would be ready and I forced myself to set a date. Which I missed. Then it just happened that his article and my release date coincided. Magical, weird, wonderful… and SCARY!

Yes, being on Y&R has been a whirlwind: great writing, incredible actors, an amazing directing and producing team… it’s really a dream come true. And let’s not forget the fantastic Peter Bergman, who has been my sherpa, so to speak, helping me get into the groove of the studio et al. I count my blessings every single day.

As for the book: I am offering a better price on my website (order form below or just email me at for those who want an autographed copy, or just want it cheaper.  It may take me an extra day or two getting to you, but it will cost $9.99 plus shipping from me. I have to ask a bit more on Amazon and Create Space since they take such a big bite out of the price (I see 5 bucks from the $15.25) however, you will be able to buy the ebook version there, which I can’t provide, and the book itself will probably get to you much faster.

I must warn you: the book is intense. It is also FUNNY, (as they say, “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Fart, and you fart alone”) but I don’t want to sugar coat it. It’s my story of my upbringing and it’s a real one. I won’t blame you if the book is not for you, (I’ve thrown one or two books across the room, myself) but I DO hope you check out Y&R if you haven’t already! I’m having a BALL and I think the story is wonderful. Good, old-fashioned, daytime DRAMA!



My Book: “Murdering My Youth”

cover design by Andre Provedel, photo by Courtney Lindberg

Cover design by Andre Provedel, Photo by Courtney Lindberg

Cover design by Andre Provedel, Photo by Courtney Lindberg

I just had the honor of being interviewed by Michael Logan for TV Guide. Look for his article in the April 21st issue!

In the article you will find out that my book, Murdering My Youth, is being released April 15th.

You will be able to buy it through my website or on Amazon. I am doing my best to make sure it is at a reasonable price as things are still tough out there.

If you would like to pre-order or have a signed copy write to me at or use the contact form below.  I will contact you to arrange payment and shipping.

Thank you in advance for your support of this book.  A warning: it is a fast read but not a light one. Issues of child abuse, death, trauma, and grief are dealt with in detail. Yes, there is humor, and sometimes there is strong language but I do not mean to offend, minimize, or sensationalize. My hope is that in sharing my story those who can relate will feel less shame, those who once judged will feel more compassion, and those who suffer in silence will consider reaching out for help.



Children's Hospital Video Screenshot

What doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger

Not only am I a huge fan of this song, this video that the Seattle Children’s Hospital made takes it to a whole other level. It’s so moving I thought I would share it with all of you.

Watch this video and be inspired!


Moving Sucks Big Moose Balls

I am moving.  After living in New York City for twenty-five years, I am moving.  Where to, I don’t want to say just yet, just that in the last two or three weeks my world sort of turned upside down.  Well, I turned it upside down, actually.  So I can’t complain.  It’s actually a good thing, a positive move, a choice, a decision landed upon, an adventure, new life, new land, a new civilization.  I just wish it wasn’t so much hard work, risk and stress on the body/mind and spirit, but there is no way around those things.  Change is change is change.  It was my decision.  Burp.  Where’s the wine?

A friend of mine is also moving, from a house she lived in for many years, had children in, a career and a huge life, to another state where she also has a life, but a new life.  A life with history, but not the same history as when her children were little and cakes were made and homework was checked.  She knew I have moved a rather large amount in my life (literally about 27 times in 42 years) so I was pleased when she called me and asked, “How do you do it?  How do you manage this moving thing?”  She sounded really depressed, and understandably so.

Inundated with my own impending day of change, I decided to sit down and write her an e-mail.  I had a lot of ideas rolling around in my head and sometimes, well most times, I write better than I speak.  I don’t know why, my brain just stops sometimes and I can’t recall a certain name or very obvious word.  I blame years of memorizing lines.  So I wrote her an e-mail and then called her back.

She told me not only did my e-mail help her but that I should publish it.  This was a very sweet thing to say.  So here goes.  If you are moving I hope it helps you.  I may have to read it a few times myself to remind myself of what I know when the moving trucks come.

Dear Friend,

I do understand the pain of moving. All I can assure you is that it’s always hard, but it’s SO much harder if you’ve been living in one place for a long time.

Try to remember that all those good times are yours to keep forever in your heart, and now you are moving forward to build new happy memories. Thank god you have happy times to look back on. They will be a great comfort to you when you are old and gray!

I think we always have a dream for our lives when we move into a new place. A dream of who we will be and what will happen there. The fact is, our lives rarely are like those dreams, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t full and joyful. The dream is just the match that starts it all going in a certain direction.

There is no arguing that change, no matter how you look at it, sucks. But it’s an indisputable part of life. There’s nothing you can do about it but accept that change is going to happen. At least this change is one you are choosing, and that’s an important thing to remember. You made this decision and you can always change your mind. If you choose to see it through, remind yourself of the good reasons why: the freedom you will have, the new good times to come, etc. If you change your mind, look at other options!

Memories can sometimes be overwhelming when you are moving.  It’s not good to linger over every dish or every box of toys, you’ll make yourself crazy!  If you can’t get rid if it, get a storage facility and deal later. Sometimes its the only way. Try to remember the present is the most important thing, and you can’t take any object with you when you die. It’s just stuff. The memories live in your heart. If there are bad memories, try not to linger on them too long unless you are going for a therapeutic purge!

That’s the best wisdom I have for you right now.  Try to look forward to the future and make new plans. When you look back, remember how well you have handled situations much more difficult than a few pieces of furniture!  Don’t let the past OWN you!

Finally: Be kind to yourself and don’t overdo it.  You’re only human and moving sucks.





Endometriosis: An Ignored Female Epidemic

Endometriosis.  It’s a long word for what is in short, a painful and mysterious disease.  No one knows what causes it, but approximately 6 MILLION women in the United States alone suffer from it.

“We now have staggering rates of endometriosis, fibroids, PID [Pelvic Inflammatory Disease], TSS and 1.7 million hysterectomies performed this past year–the most [ever],” she said. “Twenty-five years ago, these were rare illnesses for women.” Dr. Ilya Sandra Perlingieri, retired professor from San Diego State University and author of the recently released The Uterine Crisis.

Google “Endometriosis” and the first word that will jump out at you is INFERTILITY.  Many women with this disease can be rendered infertile, and yet doctors are still not mentioning it when you are describing your so called “phantom pain.”  Why is this?  Are doctors simply ignoring the disease?  Can 6 million women facing infertility really be that inconsequential?

Endometriosis is a disease where the cells from the lining of the inside of your uterus suddenly start appealing elsewhere in your body cavity.  They usually appear around the lower half of your body, but it has been found as far up as the lungs.

What do theses cells do?  They react just like your uterus.  When you get PMS, they get PMS.  When you get your period and bleed, so do they.  There is an internal bleeding every month from these cells.  So much so that over time the cells can form a cluster of blood, or a cyst, and attach to whatever is around.  They call these cysts “chocolate cysts” because of their color.   Yummy, right?  Not really.

These cysts can become quite painful.  In fact, even without a cyst the main symptom is PAIN.  For some women, it’s awful pain akin to the cramps you have just before giving birth.  It makes having sexual intercourse quite difficult, because if your partner hits one of those clusters of uterine cells, you are going to go through the roof.

You may have endometriosis and not even know it.  Maybe you just thought you got “bruised” inside somehow, or maybe you think you just have rough periods.  The disease doesn’t show on an ex-ray, the only way you can find out for sure is having bad enough pain that you need an operation to remove what they THINK is a cyst that shows on a sonogram, or surgery for a fibroid tumor.  That’s how I found out I had it.

A Fibroid tumor is a non-cancerous cluster of cells that latch onto your uterus.  I am lucky, I only had one but it became symptomatic, causing me lower back pain, bladder problems and pain during intercourse.  When they opened me up they found Stage 4 endometriosis.  They weren’t expecting it.  I was in surgery for 6 hours.  That was five years ago.  Now I have to go back in for another operation because it’s painful again.   I know a woman who has had 6 operations for this disease.  SIX.  To me, that sounds abusive.  Isn’t there something that can be done?

Here’s the skinny.  They say they don’t know how you really get it, but there is a good chance you got it from three places:

1) you were genetically predispositioned

2) you have an immense deficiency, perhaps caused by stress, a medical or (possibly) environmental condition

3) the menstrual flow backed up somehow.

When I read number three, I almost fell over.  Back up?  I didn’t think my uterus was capable of backing up blood INTO my body.  I thought the uterus was a contained system.  How could the blood get out any other way than through my vagina?  I was embarrassed to face my naiveté.  There is clearly a place between the fallopian tube and the ovary where they egg has to pop out and get sucked up by the tube to be sent down into the uterus.  What goes down… can go back up.

So what might cause this back flow?  A TAMPON perhaps?  Is it just possible that if you leave your tampon in ALL NIGHT like MILLIONS of women do, that a back flow of blood could occur?

I’m not the only person thinking along these lines.  Here’s a neat little quote from Vital

“It makes sense that if the tampon is not changed frequently, it can become saturated and may then act as a plug, increasing the back-pressure of blood into the uterus. “

Here’s another little tid-bit about tampons.  Your regular run-of the mill tampon contains DIOXIN.  A chemical that is a bi-product of bleaching.

Here’s another bit from the same article:

“ In a 1993 case control study, Darrow et. al. compared tampon use in 104 women with laparoscopically confirmed endometriosis to 100 friends of the patients. Compared to their friends, women with endometriosis under the age of 30 were, on average, 3.6 times as likely to have a history of tampon use of greater than or equal to 14 years.”


“Clearly, there was an increased incidence of endometriosis with exposure to dioxin, and an increased severity with the dose of dioxin.”

Where else can you be exposed to Dioxin?  How about these fun facts from Energy Justice:

The major sources of dioxin are in our diet. Since dioxin is fat-soluble, it bioaccumulates, climbing up the food chain. A North American eating a typical North American diet will receive 93% of their dioxin exposure from meat and dairy products (23% is from milk and dairy alone; the other large sources of exposure are beef, fish, pork, poultry and eggs). In fish, these toxins bioaccumulate up the food chain so that dioxin levels in fish are 100,000 times that of the surrounding environment.

You can find them all throughout our atmosphere and wherever bleaching agents are sold.  Oh and BTW, YES.  IT CAUSES CANCER.

Dioxin Exposure Chart 
Chart from EPA Dioxin Reassessment Summary 4/94 – Vol. 1, p. 37
(Figure II-5. Background TEQ exposures for North America by pathway)

Doesn’t that just THRILL you beyond end?


Go vegan.  That’s it.  No meat, dairy, caffeine or alcohol.  No eggs, fish, butter, pork, poultry… SUSHI.  No ICE CREAM???  When they told me I almost fell off my chair.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I’m a steak eating one martini a day gal.  What’s this shit?  I had to take a moment.

It seems this is my fate, my destiny to change.  If I want to live, if I want to have sex, if I want to not be in pain, not get worse (god knows what they are going to find when they open me up) I’ve got to give up all the foods I normally eat.  I have to become one of “them,” those “healthy people” who eat at Vegan restaurants and take B-12 and don’t smoke or drink, I have to do Yoga and meditate to lower my stress level, I have to learn to live entirely differently than I do now.


Well, I don’t have to give up swearing.  Thank christ.

Considering it’s becoming a world wide epidemic, I think I may just invest in a Vegan chain restaurant.  It’s not just me saying “world wide epidemic” btw.

It is estimated that there are over 70 million women worldwide who suffer from the symptoms of endometriosis making it a modern epidemic.

Endometriosis affects over one hundred million women worldwide and is more common than breast cancer and diabetes. Up to 10% of women in their reproductive years and a quarter to half of all women with infertility have been diagnosed with endometriosis

Then there is this:

The recent increase in the incidence of endometriosis coincides with the rapid increase of genetically modified (GM) foods in diets around the world.  He goes onto say that herbicide, such as the commonly used “Roundup” can also create an environmental estrogen toxicity.

There is much more to discover, but it’s a disease that is here and we need to get talking about it.  It’s changed my life already.  The frustration and shame over having something that affects my ability to get pregnant is a blog unto itself, but suffice it to say, it sucks.

Please share this article with any woman you know who is suffering from this disease.  All I want is for her to know she is not alone, and that there are people out there who care about how to help her get better.



Housework Rules!

Suzy Fucking Homemaker Shares 10 Tips for a House Party

 SFH (abbreviation) Suzie Fucking Housewife

A homemaker who is proficient at chauffeuring children to and from activities, baking cookies and giving blowjobs.  “Who the hell does he think I am? SFH? I have a PhD for Chrissake!”

Hello.  Today I’m Suzy Fucking Homemaker.  I’m here to tell you that having a pretty house isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be as hard as you are making it.  Would it kill you to rinse off your dishes instead of leaving them crusty in the sink?  Throwing your clothes at the hamper isn’t going to make them climb into the washing machine and it sure isn’t going to reduce that lovely smell of sweat sock that is proliferating throughout your tiny hell hole.

As I roll like a deflating kickball into my “Erma Bombeck” years, I realize that I have a few tips that might help y’all pull your shit together so you can make pretty without sacrificing your sense of hard won liberation from your folks.  Let’s be clear: no matter how young and fabulous you are, you are still going to have to have a clean toilet when mister or miss hot stuff wants to hang out.  So let’s get real.

Today we will start with one simple cure for the lonely and lovelorn:  The House Party

BASIC TIP #1: When you have a get together, no matter how nice you have decorated your living room – everybody will want to hang out in the kitchen.  It doesn’t matter if the living room is huge and the kitchen is a dark closet.  As many people as can cram in there will do exactly that, challenging one and other on the rules of personal space.  Why this is happens is a mystery, but I think it has something to do with people feeling more comfortable where action is occurring and less comfortable where face to face dialogue is the ultimate goal.

TIP #2: Prepare yourself for kitchen action by making sure the kitchen is not a shit storm of preparation plates and garbage.  Organize your chaos by having things for people to do: open bottles, slice tomatoes, take glasses to the living room.  When guests are asked to be active they feel better about taking a smelly dump in your guest half bath or stubbing out their smoke in your planter – hey, they folded the napkins!  The casual atmosphere of asking people to “pitch in” often leads to the women getting busy and the men talking, but don’t count the guys out.  Just ask them.  Unlike the cliché of the lazy dude, men are usually really happy to be asked to do something, especially if it’s something that makes them looks strong and sexy like moving the coffee table a few feet to the left.

TIP #3: It goes without saying that you will have vacuumed and dusted your entire apartment before inviting people over.  I was young once, believe it or not, and I’ve been to parties where people haven’t.  Bong water is disgusting and doesn’t make me want to hook up or be friends with anyone.  It makes me want to vomit.

TIP #4: Don’t ask your guests to help you clean up.  You invited them over to give them a gift.  Your clean house to hang out in is part of that gift.  Their gift is their presence and if they were properly raised, they will also bring flowers or a bottle of wine.  People who come to a party empty handed are usually takers and have been raised in a barn.

TIP #5: DO NOT insist on party games or watching a certain program unless you have specifically stated in your invitation that is the point of the party.

TIP #6: Controlling hosts are THE WORST.  SERVE THE FOOD AND POUR THE WINE THE MINUTE THE GUESTS ARRIVE.  Hosts who make people wait to eat are to be strung up by their ankles and flogged with a greasy noodle while being forced to watch episode one of The Real Housewives of Staten Island over and over.

TIP #7: Conversation is an art.  Invite people who know how to talk to one another.  One secret of a good conversationalist is to be a good listener.  Ask questions and listen to the answer.  You could learn a lot about a person, which could be useful when you introduce them to other people at your party.  “Hey, this is Jeff and he’s really into comic books, aren’t you a collector, too?” is a nice way to help people who don’t know one another to engage on some mutually appreciated level.  People love to share their passions.  Listen for them and for god’s sake don’t judge!  “Yes, how interesting,” is delicious.  “Oh, that’s ridiculous,” is a big fat buzz killer at parties, unless of course, Jane Doe is being a real asshole.

TIP #8: Douche bags at parties can’t be helped, but you have two options: show them the roof and invite them to jump or get them busy doing something so they don’t flap their stink yap all over your good time.  Certain people belong at the grill with a beer in their hand.  Others need to be in the kitchen “being helpful” because they simply have no social skills whatsoever.  Your job as host is to know your guests and help them have a good time even if they are complete failures as a human beings.  There is SOME reason you invited them, even if it is to get them to offer you their comp tickets to the Knicks game.

TIP #9: The hand written thank you note is NOT out of style.  If you have been a guest at someone’s home, would it kill you to take two seconds to jot down “Thanks for the lovely evening, we had a blast,” and stick a stamp on it?  Christallmighty you could send a postcard!  E-mail is simply too quick and easy, and a text is (as we all know) so impersonal.  Put on some lipstick and kiss the fucking postcard and stick a stamp on it, but for god’s sake send one.  You will be AMAZED what an impact it will make.  (You want those Knicks tix, don’t you??)

TIP #10: Don’t go there unless you are sure you wanna go there.  Decide beforehand how you feel if people start getting drunk and making out.  Have a plan.  You could give them your room or politely suggest they get one.  Either is socially acceptable, but don’t feel obliged to get your tits out just because other people are doing it.  Then again, if you wanna shake your money makers in the privacy of your own home, that’s great.  I might suggest making sure to collect all cameras and cell phones before things get going, however. Last nights naughty drunken pictures aren’t as fun when they hit the all too sober Internet.  Prepare – that’s all I’m saying.  Have condoms nearby and KNOW what you are getting into.  It’s great to have sexy fun, but it’s an elective, not a requirement, got me?  Anybody who pressures you is an asshole, pure and simple.

All that said, parties are a great way to make new friends as well as business connections.  Plan ahead and use these tips (don’t forget some festive party garb) and you will be sure to be swinging from the chandelier with a bottle of champs singing “Hold Me Closer Tiny Dancer” with a group of likeminded nut jobs before you know it.

Ain’t FUN the whole point?




Screen Shot 2012-05-22 at 2.16.18 PM

We Are All Animals

I’ve been working on a theory. It is SURE to piss a lot of people off, but I am learning YOU CAN’T PLEASE EVERYBODY, and MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO USE THE INTERNET TO ATTACK, NOT TO CONNECT. This second fact makes me very sad, but also plays into my theory: WE ARE ALL ANIMALS FIRST, PEOPLE SECOND.

I’ve heard it called a variety of things: human nature, primitive instinct, the “natural self.” We are taught it is a good thing to be in touch with these feelings as sometimes they warn us when there is danger, and other times they drive us to compete, feed ourselves and survive if not thrive. I want to make it clear I AM NOT SAYING THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THESE INTERNAL DRIVES. Oy! What I am saying is that I recently became aware how much they drive every single person every single day, and it was an unsettling feeling.

As some of you know, I live in New York City. Here it is easy to be a witness to human nature – you just have to step out the door and keep your eyes open: people pushing and shoving one another to get down the sidewalk, annoyed by those moving too slow, is a common enough site. Aggressive competition is the name of the game here and that is the ONE instinct in particular I want to talk about. The aggression. The hatred of “the other who is different.” The fear of the one that stands out. The desire to claim and keep ones piece of hard won territory.

I feel like this aggression has become endemic. I see it everywhere these days: from neighbors to strangers, in TV, films and theater productions, and ALL OVER politics, the news and media outlets. Everywhere the story under the story seems to be the same: this person is angry; that one is afraid; this group wants something and that group feels they will crush another person before letting them have it.

We live in a civilized country, but you wouldn’t know it from the way so many people talk to one another, and if you suggest anything different, anything like “hey lets talk it out, lets try to understand one another” the tendency, even in the most civilized of company, is to mock, ridicule, slander or humiliate – some form of aggressive competition designed for one person to win and the other to lose.

So why TRY to be civil? Why not just accept that we are ALL ANIMALS, operating from our basest nature and go from there? I have been seriously thinking of switching my worldview radically. “We are all the same at heart and need understanding” isn’t really doing a hell of a lot for me, so I’ve been thinking about coming from the viewpoint that everyone is like my dog: scared and snappy when he doesn’t feel protected; defensive around those larger or different from him; unable to survive without love and companionship; territorial of his space and with a strong instinct to pee where other’s have peed before.

I think I am going to go with this because it makes more sense. All the neurosis and emotional drives pale in comparison to animal instinct, and as a society I think we are being driven to extremes for some reason. It’s as if nothing less than high adrenaline, high risk, base entertainment and social interaction will do to satisfy.

What’s the matter with us? Are we missing passion or some kind of satisfaction in our lives? Is that why we attack one another?

Sometimes, if I didn’t believe in the possibility of good that entertainment, social discourse and the Internet can do, I would unplug from it all, because these days it’s beginning to feel like a relationship with an abusive lover. Crazy, dramatic, and soul sapping. But I do believe. I believe that writing this right now is bridging some kind of gap with somebody, somewhere who feels as confused and sad about the world they are looking at today as I do.

So what is the solution other than going back to what is usually labeled the “idiotic liberal socialist dogma” of loving acceptance and care for all? CAN we as a society find a middle ground where we accept our aggressive nature without indulging it? Does it have to be all one way or another?

What I find myself falling back into is politeness. Learned social behavior that allows me to walk certain territory with some grace. Saying “please,” “thank you” and “excuse me” allows me to feel good about the way I navigate my life.

Wouldn’t it be nice if more people practiced some of these old fashioned basics? Maybe it’s like putting a coat on a dog (for SOME people) but at least the dog still has to take the trouble to unzip before he can pee on you.

I would like to invite you to share your feelings about my theory, but please, try not to prove me right.