Category Archives: self improvement

Hey I’m in the Huffington Post!

SMbathroomThanks to the lovely writer (and soap fan) Mark Rosenberg, my thoughts on the new All My Children, and the story that led up to this amazing moment in time, are chronicled in the au-courant Huffington Post!  Check it out HERE!

I was sorry they did not use the photo I sent, but in honor of the attempt to use it, I am sharing it with you.  Perhaps it was a bit too risqué for their mag?  I don’t know.  Whatever!

This pic was a part of the photo shoot I did a few months ago. One I did just for me, to celebrate being 43.  YEP forty-three. I do not lie about my age because it would make me feel bad and I don’t want to propagate any myth that it isn’t cool to be in your 40′s.  It’s WAY COOL.  I can’t do anything about what YOU think 43 is, but in my mind, it is nothing to feel apologetic about.

That said, this was not the message I received growing up.  I was told that after I turned 40 I should hang up my hat on all things sexy, romantic, or beautiful.  That I should put on my mom jeans and forget about it.  Well I decided this was bullshit, and this photo shoot is one expression of that decision!

I also realized that in the three years I have been writing my book, I wore my fuzzy robe and slippers far too far into the day.  I would occasionally get some workout clothes on, but often didn’t make it to the gym.  I was, I think, struggling with the content of my book and just needed to comfort myself as much as possible.  I also put on some pounds and drank too much.  Ah, the writer’s life.  I still love me a martini… Mmmm.

As the book neared its completion point I realized had to start shaking it all off.  I had to start letting go of the past and embracing the present.  To me, that meant treating myself better. This didn’t mean I’m was going to give up my fuzzy robe and slippers anytime soon (because they are damn comfy) but that when I got dressed (and it is an effort, believe it or not) I would try more and more to put on something decent, do my makeup, and wear my nice jewelry.

Sometimes I think that they had it right in the 1950′s.  What you wear matters, but only because it is an expression of who you are.  It shows a respect for life, and for the people in your life.  Trust me, I’m not putting on stockings and heels and a girdle every day (HELL NO) but putting on pretty underwear, clean jeans and a nice sweater can really make a difference in how I feel about myself.

There is nothing wrong with being nice to yourself, which is also not what I was taught growing up.  I was taught I was selfish for asking for anything, that I should be grateful for what I have, that I should take care of everybody else and keep my real feelings to myself.  I realized that is WAY WRONG.  It is not nice and not cool and it doesn’t lead to anything like happiness.

It’s important for you to know when I talk about self-improvement, I’m not trying to be a teacher or tell you what YOU should think or how you should be.  I’m no guru nor do I want to be one.  I’m just saying this is MY experience.  If you get something from it, that’s AWESOME.

I hope today you can be a little nicer to yourself, too.

Hugs!

Cady

 

 

 

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Beauty Cares

Recently I was asked to decorate a “wife beater” t-shirt by my friend, artist Susan Woldman, for a charity called “Beauty Cares.” The purpose of the group is to help raise awareness of women who have suffered domestic violence. I wrote “wife hugger” on my t-shirt, hoping that might be a fun new name we could try out instead of “wife beater,” which is so gross. “Sleeveless tank” is probably more appropriate, but what the hey! Jon made one too!

Jon's T-shirt for Beauty Cares

You can read all about Beauty Cares here, but also check out the “8 Warning Signs That Indicate You Are In an Unhealthy Relationship.” I hate to say it, but I know for SURE I have experienced ALL of these. Thank god I left those relationships.

I really like that the charity also helps women feel better about themselves by giving them a bit of a makeover. I know it sounds frivolous at first, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that the reason I stayed in unhealthy relationships was partly because I didn’t feel like I was worth better.  When I actually allowed myself to look in the mirror and say, “GIRL, YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS,” I allowed myself to leave and look for someone who could treat me with love and respect. Feeling like I looked good helped with this. I guess it’s a matter of pride. Personal pride is very important.

Me and my t-shirt

But beauty is also an INSIDE job. We may be all prettied up on the outside, but if we don’t feel beautiful on the inside, it’s like wearing a mask. How to feel pretty on the inside? Prayer helps, as does letting in all the nice things people may have said to you in your life. LET IT IN. I know it’s hard. Trust me. It’s much easier to let the ego go wild and believe all the bad things people say, so sometimes, I make a list. Another thing is to try and stop being so hard on yourself. Every time you have a negative thought, either say a little prayer, or replace it with a positive one. It really works.

Art day!Here is Susan’s table, covered with our art! We had such a fun time making these t-shirts. I highly recommend making some art when you feel bad. It’s a great way to turn the day around!

Wishing you a BEAUTY-FULL day!

xoxo Cady

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Too Faced The Secret To No Makeup Makeup: Shop Combination Sets | Sephora

 

From

We may get a little rough around the edges from lack of sleep or too much partying.  This stuff is just the ticket to “faking it until you make it!”

Too Faced The Secret To No Makeup Makeup: Shop Combination Sets | Sephora.

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The Joys of Aging

There are a lot of people who are not happy with the fact that we age.  Entire industries and advertising campaigns are built around this feeling of worthlessness, focusing primarily on both functions and appearances that have decreased in, shall we say, lift.  Although I appreciate a good container of French face cream, and the happy results from a pill that makes a man last longer in the sack, I can’t say that the focus that our media puts on these two qualities as life changing is quite fair to our happiness quotient as human beings.  In fact, quite the opposite.

Women as they age can often become more desperate to retain a lost youth, using any means necessary to “fight” the natural process gravity exacts.  We as a gender can, generally, become depressed, anxious, bitter and intensely judgmental of both ourselves and other women.  Men aren’t that different.  They can become more aggressive, more power-hungry, date younger and younger women to prove their virility often looking more and more ridiculous in the process.  What to do?

In my humble opinion, there simply isn’t enough support out there for us to value age for the other qualities it brings.  Wisdom, insight, increased patience, humility and kindness are some internal effects that aging CAN have.  If you have taken the time to learn a craft, you might achieve a level of mastery at that craft and the attendant pleasure that practicing that mastery gives.  Some musicians are a point in fact.  How amazing were Annie Lennox and Brian May at the closing ceremonies of the 2012 Olympics, rocking it out with wrinkles and gray hair flying wildly in the wind?

I am only in the earliest part of my journey towards middle age.  At 42, I am closer to my thirty-something counterparts in emotional charting, or you should think so, but the very mention of being my over 40 can sometimes have an interesting reaction in people.  Almost as if I should start planning my own funeral.  It would be funny if they weren’t so serious.

Apparently, I should be married.  I should have children.  I should be planning my husbands birthday rather than sitting here and writing about my opinion.  I should feel bad about how my eyes are going to shit, and how my neck certainly ain’t what it used to be.  I should be taking my children to summer camp.  I should be angry at younger women.  I should be mourning my youth.

But I’m not.

My youth (how can I say this gently) SUCKED.  I was treated like an object more than I was ever treated like a person, especially in show business but unfortunately even by some friends.  I was objectified, commodified, categorized and minimized – all because I was “young.” I ought to have been treated like a new egg with bright potential, hoping to make a difference in the world, but that rarely happened.  I was an object from which money could be made or sex could be culled.  Men of all ages (mostly older) hit on me, perhaps sensing my fragile daddy complex, and even lesbians took advantage of my complete naiveté.  I know some people saw me as strong and ambitious, but I can tell you now, I was scared shitless in total survival mode. Coming from this experience, why would I ever want to be YOUNG?

I love young people.  I thrill at being able to give them some insight.  I love being able to tell them, “I know how tough it can be, hold onto your dream, you can do it.”  I don’t feel threatened by them, whether they’re men or women.  I like children, and perhaps I will have one someday, but I have also listened carefully to my friends who say, “THINK ABOUT IT” and have paused.  I’m still thinking about it.  I have never gotten married because of one reason: I don’t want to go through a divorce.  My parents marriage and divorce was a total nightmare.  I’ve been through horrible, catastrophic, emotionally debilitating break ups, one that even sent me spiraling into a years long depression.  If getting a divorce is WORSE that THAT, I take marriage very, very seriously.

When I was a teenager my mother would tell me, “Katie, make sure to always have your own money and to make it before you are 40, because no man will want you after that, and no one will hire you.”  WHAT A MESSAGE!  What a load of bullshit.  Sadly, this message is still being put out there, causing thousands of women to feel total despair about their lives.  I’ve often thought about the 1970′s movie “Logan’s Run,” where a society creates a game out of a death machine, created to kill everyone (men and women) on their 30th birthday.  The characters would float up in the sky and literally explode.  Only Logan saw it for what it was and said, “I’m getting the f*ck out of here.”  Is it a surprise to hear me say, “I’m with Logan”?

The bottom line is this: our negative reinforcements of the stereotypes of the unhappy aging person are really uncool and yes, I believe it’s worse for women than it is for men, although it isn’t easy for either gender.

So this blog is my official shout out to all the men and women over 40,50, 60, 70 and on up.  You know, THE REST OF US.  You are NEEDED.  Society needs you to be vocal, to be present about your opinion.  We need you to NOT shrink away, shamed by your neck or balls or whatever, and for you to claim your value as people PUBLICLY.   I, personally, want to see more older women talking about what they THINK, not about what skin cream they use or what designer clothes they are wearing.  I want more older men to stop fighting each other for a power position and talk about what really MATTERS in life, and for both genders to get busy talking about how to help young people THAT AREN’T THEIR CHILDREN.

That is what older people are FOR in a society.  They are not to be locked up in some home so they can sit around watching TV and tasting 50 f*cking flavors of ice cream.  They need to be IN SOCIETY to we can HEAR what they have learned about life!

I know they are tired.  I’m tired, too, but not that tired.  I’ve been kicked in the ass more times than I would like, but I am not defeated.

COURAGE, my friends.  TAKE HEART.  Society needs you to help guide it.  To help keep it on the right track.  Don’t give up.  Vote.  Write a blog.  Start a business.  Council a kid.  It matters.  YOU matter.

So who cares about your neck?  Please.  In the larger scheme of things, it’s so unimportant.  This is why I chose a photo of Hillary Clinton for this blog.  No woman in the public eye has been more picked on for her appearance, when what really matters about her is her FABULOUS MIND.  She’s a brilliant, strong, decisive, amazing woman who is out there fighting the good fight.  I am proud to be an American with her working in public office.  So she’s aging?  WHO CARES?  That conversation is soooo boring.

 

 

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Mental Shifts

I am thinking a lot about the past and the future these days.  Looking at old ways of thinking and considering implementing new ones.  I awoke to an email from this guy who does a lot of “positive thinking/create your own reality” type of stuff.  In it, he talked about how we sabotage our plans by not being 100% behind them.

For example he states:

“…one of the keys to manifesting your desires is creating alignment between your conscious desires and your subconscious intentions.

Why?

Because, if your Conscious Mind wants one thing and your Subconscious Mind wants something else  it is impossible to create what you want.

These subconscious counter-intentions work to sabotage your manifestations.”

I’ve been off coffee for a while and after reading this, decided it was time for a cup of joe and a chocolate chip cookie (gluten-free, of course!)  I am now sitting here with this quote in front of me wondering, “are my subconscious intentions different from my conscious desires, and if so, how?”

Now you see why coffee was necessary.  Wha?  Huh?  What time is it?  What are you on about, woman?

Seriously, I am wondering if subconsciously, I want/intend one thing while telling myself consciously I want/desire something else.  What this does, according to Dr. Robert Anthony,  is cancel out any manifestations I may have had rolling towards actualization.

Lord, somebody roll me a joint, I sound like such a hippie.

I want a good life.  I want to be happy.  I have a good life.  I am often happy.  I want/intend to release the past and move into the future with joy in my heart, with an open mind and with hope for the future, but this is very hard to do when deep down I don’t think I am worth it.  Or is it something else other than the usual parentally implanted low self-esteem?  Is there something I want/intend/desire, deep down, that I am not admitting to?

What would I do if I could do ANYTHING?  Live ANYWHERE?  Love ANYONE?  Do ANYTHING for a living?  What would YOU do?  What would we do if we weren’t afraid of judgement?  If we didn’t feel set on a path and unable to shift from it?

These days I am trying to do some of the things give me the most fear, and sometimes they are so simple it’s ridiculous.  Like taking a ride on a boat.  So simple.  Make an appointment, get on the f-ing boat.  WOW.  SO dramatic.

Dr. Robert Anthony says to keep exposing yourself to new, fresh and exciting ideas is one way to reduce “counter-intentions” from taking hold.

I think I need to make a list of little things that give me joy, and keep trying to allow myself to have them.  Because bottom line, if you don’t allow yourself to be happy, nobody is going to do it for you.  That’s one of those soap opera myths I grew up on.  ”True Love” was going to solve all your problems.  Uh… no, actually, it doesn’t.  It’s wonderful to have a great partner in life, and it makes a HUGE difference to have a good, loving partner who supports your goals, but YOU still gotta deal with YOU.  What YOU really want, even if it doesn’t always jibe with what your partner wants.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want it, or shouldn’t have it.  Maybe you might have to compromise a little bit, as to when and where and how, but you should definitely have a conversation about what you want.

Don’t you love how I have managed to go from talking about myself to talking about the great “you?”  Ah, grasshopper, the mind is so limber this morning.

What I am talking about, what I am getting at is what real FREEDOM is.  Inner freedom.  It is saying YES to yourself, to what you want and to letting go of the things INSIDE of you that hold you back from having it, and then, oh yes, letting go of wanting.  Oh joy.  Because in fact, you might just need to BE what you already ARE.  You may even already HAVE what you think you want.  What about that?

It gets exciting and sometimes scary when you say, “I WANT.”  It means you’ve put it out there as a real thing, a real need.  Now you have to do something about it, like get out of the way and allow yourself to have it, to be in it, to “live the dream,” so to speak.

I want more beautiful tattoos and I don’t want to be told it’s a mistake or to be given shit for having them.  I want to have more healthy fun.  I want to laugh a lot more.  I want to ride in a hot air balloon.  I want to spend more time making art.  I want to spend more time in New Orleans.  I want to sing again.  I want to care less what other people think about me.  I want to not worry about “haters” and  ”stalkers” and enjoy more “lovers of life.”  I want to feel less responsible for other people and more responsible for myself.

Good morning!  Another cup of coffee anyone?  Cookie?  Copy of “Co-Dependent No More?”

Gwen Stefani knows how to rock this shit (video)

 

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Welcome to the World, It’s Trying to Kill You

Endometriosis is indeed a mysterious disease.  Since they can’t see it on any kind of x-ray or sonogram, the only way you know if it’s getting worse or better is the amount of pain you feel. Fun!  Why you have this pain is also a mystery, but your body is trying to tell you something: “HELP ME!” is most like it.

Quick reminder about what Endometriosis is: cells from your uterus escape, go rogue, run amok in your body cavity, growing where they should not.  Why this happens no one knows, but a lowered immune system is without a doubt one of the reasons why your body hasn’t fought it off. Perhaps you’ve been under a lot of stress, eaten a lot of crap in your lifetime and/or drank like a fish like I have? Perhaps your weight has gone up and down like a yo-yo because of stress or crazy diets?  Perhaps you’ve had one too many asshole ex-boyfriends? Welcome to the club.

I was a protein a day, glass or two of wine a day plus cocktail girl.  If it has walked, swam, crawled or been fermented, I have probably ingested it.  I think those days are over for me. Glad that I had them (I guess?) but I have really discovered some happiness with DIET CHANGES. This does not mean starvation.  This does not mean raw food and no fun.  It means CHANGES.

I am saying this because I feel I have experienced a physical miracle.

I had a sonogram last week and it turns out there were NO masses.  NOTHING.  There was some kind of “normal” (??) tumor on the left ovary that had burst and there was a mass of saline (??) but no mass that looked like an Endometrioma.  This was very strange to me, because the exam DID hurt, but I was grateful.  She said I might still need an operation if I continued to have pain, but there was no mass she could see that needed removal.  Where did that lump on the right ovary go?  

I think I dissolved it by supporting my immune system with healthy eating, chinese herbs, yoga and acupuncture.  I really do.

I have been DILIGENT in my diet change and in the six days since the sonogram feel better than I EVER HAVE.  It has been only 15 DAYS since I went in for my first acupuncture treatment and 13 DAYS since my gynecologist said I should prepare myself for surgery.   

Also:

1) My TUMMY HAS DE-PUFFED significantly,

2) I’m no longer depressed

3) I have lost weight all over my body, not just in one place.  

4) My sex drive returned.  

5) I decided to try sex again AND IT DIDN’T HURT.  There was just a tiny “ache” in one spot, but nothing like the searing pain I had been feeling before.

I am convinced that changing my diet RADICALLY and adding chinese herbs and acupuncture has made a HUGE difference.  I am feeling a lot better, the pain has decreased significantly and continues to decrease on this treatment.  I am currently seeing Dr. Chris Kolutkis in NYC who is an acupuncturist, an herbalist and a chiropractor.   I will ask him for a list of the herbs he uses in the tea he makes me, but I really don’t suggest mixing them yourself.

Here’s what I do:

2 cups plain warm/hot water in the morning.  This is known to flush the kidneys and the liver, and helps your body get activated to boost your immune system.

1 cups of chinese herbs in hot water and honey or maple syrup, taken three times a day. (3 cups a day.)  Also boosts immune system, cleans your liver and fights infection.

No meat. There is SO much crap in our meat these days it’s really disgusting.  Add to that the horrific treatment of the animals and I can hardly look a chicken in the face.  I have found soy and wheat free meat alternatives at Whole Foods that are really delicious.

No soy.  For a week, I had NO soy and that helped a LOT.  Soy boosts your estrogen production, which will affect the uterus cells, so go easy on it.  Now allow myself a little soy but I try not to eat it every day.

No wheat.  Guten free bread and pasta are pretty easy to find.  Brown rice and Quinoa are really much tastier than I thought!

Easy on the tomatoes.  Tomatoes are highly acidic, and can irritate your system.  The endometriosis causes your body to be inflamed internally, so cutting back on items that cause inflammation is essential.

No dairy except a little scoop of non-fat organic yogurt on meals if you like.  For a milk substitute, I use Almond milk, which comes in a variety of flavors.  Soy milk is really fattening, and also has the soy problem.

No non-organic or genetically modified foods.  Trying to find pure organic produce has been the most difficult, but there are out there in specific stores.  Whole foods has a decent selection. Make sure to wash the produce with a good natural produce cleanser, or soak in the sink with the soap for a while to get the wax or any dirt/chemicals off.  Again, it’s the CHEMICALS that are making you sick.

Very little uncooked food.  Raw food is harder to digest.  Raw food, even nuts, seem to be harder to digest for me.

No sushi.  (This was torture to hear but you know what?  I DON’T MISS IT.)  There is a LOT of crap in raw fish and our oceans are polluted, let’s face it.

NO FAKE SWEETENERS. All those chemicals really make the Enodmetriosis go nuts.

NO IRON.  I was surprised to hear this, but Dr. K said it doesn’t help the Endo.  After a week and a half, I added a multi-vitamin in a Gummy Bear shape because I am still a child sometimes and I hate swallowing vitamins.

NO ALCOHOL.  I have substituted Kombucha, a drink with probiotics and enzymes that has really boosted my energy level.  It comes in a great array of flavors and is really delicious.  This wasn’t easy to wrap my mind around. I LIKE to drink.  No, I LOVE to drink, but it appears drinking doesn’t love my endometriosis.

NO WHITE SUGAR.  Sometimes I take a sip from the pure maple syrup bottle and that helps curb cravings!  I do have a little organic dark chocolate and that helps.I also LOVE cupcakes and the thought of passing by Magnolia Bakery without one was bringing me down.  However there is HOPE:  I am now looking forward to learning more about gluten free baking!  I like this website that was recommended by a reader in the last post: The Post Punk Kitchen.

I also found this cookbook online and am looking forward to trying it out:

So what to add:

Vitamin B-12.  This was essential because by Day 2, with no caffeine, I was falling asleep at the wheel.

Multi-B.  Every other day this added to the B-12 for energy.  The MINUTE I took it, I felt better.

1/4 tsp. all natural progesterone cream on my belly or wrists before going to bed.  This is a natural hormone that helps balance your system.  Only going to use for two weeks and then stop.

In order to stimulate the kidneys and liver into making more enzymes, I sometimes take a little sip of Bragg’s apple cider vinegar before eating.  It’s a shocker at first, but my tummy really likes it.  Her website is hilarious.

PROBIOTICS.  I still need to add these to my diet, but I hear they are also really helpful in keeping the flora and fauna of your intestines working properly to clean out the CRAP that is in there.

Filtered water: You can’t have enough pure, clean water.  Drink until you can’t stand it for a while, and then try to keep up to 8 glasses a day.  I have a hard time with this, but when I do it, I feel SO much better.

YOGA.  Yep, full guru.  I am not very good at yoga, but the breathing and stretching has really helped with my stress level.  I can laugh at myself in the class and that helps, too.  I have decided getting angry at life, anybody or anything is simply not worth it.  I want to be happy and WELL.

Remember: if you have Endometriosis, your body is SUPPOSED to be fighting it off.  If it can’t, you need to help it by changing your diet so it has the tools it needs!

I hit a wall.  My wall was one long round with depression and extreme pain.  I finally said FUCK THAT SHIT and decided I was willing to do whatever it took to feel better.  I am so glad I did, because I REALLY FEEL BETTER!

I had tried this in a half assed way a couple years ago, only to return to the steak and martini out of laziness.  I am sorry I did.  I see it as a reflection of my own low self esteem: I just wasn’t willing to help myself all the way.

Recently I heard a wise young friend say, “Sometimes you get to a point in life where you either have to take the blue pill or the red pill and that’s the way your life goes.”  Well I think I reached that point yet again, and I am excited about the changes that are yet to happen in my mind, body and spirit.

I hope this article helps you or someone you love to reconsider their worth, and helps them to fight for their health.  You ARE worth it.

xoxo
C

 

 

 

 

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Suzy F*cking Homemaker is Now On YouTube, Facebook and Twitter

Suzy F*cking Homemaker now has her own YOUTUBE CHANNEL:

www.youtube.com/user/suzyfckinghomemaker

She is also on TWITTER: @HomemakerSuzyF

And FACEBOOK (of course): www.facebook.com/suzyfckinghomemaker

Thanks for checking her out!

xoxo

Cady

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