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Choices

Georgia O'Keefe quoteEvery day, all day, I feel the choices I have to make dogging me: Am I going to be in fear or faith today? Am I going to be strong, or give in and finish the last of that bottle of white wine with a bag of peanut M&M’s?

Sometimes I make choices out of discomfort: because I am afraid of what other’s think of me, because I want to be liked, or because I am not feeling good about myself. I don’t like how I feel when I make choices from this place of self-doubt. It always feels like I am not accepting my vulnerability, which is a real part of who I am. Fragility is not the same as weakness.

When I’m feeling particularly challenged, I try to call up what my self-created “inner wise woman” would say. I imagine her wearing lots of beads and interesting prints, with long grey hair wrapped up in a bun, or over her shoulder in a braid.

She says to me, “Everyone is afraid, most of the time. Try and remember this.  The greatest gift you can give yourself is the companionship of people wiser than yourself. Seek them out. Lean on their wisdom. And be kind–they came by it hard, just like you.”

Since I released my book into the world, people have asked me, “How did you do it? How did you liberate yourself from all that inner turmoil?” I have been thinking about it for some time now, and I think I can say, it was a choice. I chose to fight. I chose to believe that I deserved better. I chose to believe that I was strong enough to get through whatever pain I was feeling to get to the other side.

It’s a small thing, a choice, in the moment, but very powerful.

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6 thoughts on “Choices

  1. Cady, I have watched you from the first time you appeared on All My Children and am glad to see you on another of my favorite soaps, Young and the Restless. We have been going through a really tough time since January when my 35 year old son was diagnosed with terminal cancer with 4 small children, two with Autism. I just found your blog tonight after a rough day and your words were a source of encouragement to me. I am sharing your blog with my son and his wife in the hope that it will be a source of encouragement to them as well. If youd like you can read his story on his blog at D4L3.com and read from the bottom up.

  2. Hi Cady! I think of when I met you and the incredible conversation that came with ease. You are a unique, strong and wise woman. I am proud to know you and be in touch through fb though I’m not nearly as free to read your incredulous writings as I initially had been. Your insightfulness and wit reaches me enough to remind me how very special of a human you are, and that I am a forever fan of that, along with your many talents. I will be ordering a signed copy of your book this week! It will be healing in ways as I relate to some of it. I feel we choose happy….but we also choose unhappiness if we allow others to take it, as it is already inherent. (part of the growth and journey. ;-a). Much love, Stacy

  3. That my dear Acquaintance Cady, was just what I needed to hear! With my ipad loosing it’s charge,almost skipped Facebook tonight but just a quick glimpse it is perfect for me to read ….to erase the bad of the past weeks and Choose to be happy! as I fall asleep and wake I the the morning I will choose ( if only through my first cup of coffee) to be happy! Thanks, dear Cady this isn’t the first time you have said exactly what I needed read! Do hope you a have a terrific week! I will remember to choose…Thank you!! DERRER

  4. Keeping making the choices that you have made, Cady! You learn from your choices, and they end up being the best choices that you’ve ever made!

    BTW, I LOVE Peanut M&M’s!!! 🙂

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