On Comments

Well it’s been an interesting experience reading the comment section both on Policymic and now here on my website. You can find them here and here.

I am much appreciative of the time and effort put in by those who have read my thoughts and expanded upon them, adding links to interesting and insightful articles and quotes. I am very grateful for your support. I am glad to know I am not alone in my concerns.

I consider myself to be a pretty loving and accepting person. I have never felt the need to defend or explain myself because I figured anyone who took the time to read my blogs would find, over and over again, that I am a proponent of love, forgiveness, understanding and acceptance of others. It appears there are some who don’t see that in me, and who in fact, see me as intolerant, judgmental and ignorant.

I allow them their opinion. Much as I don’t enjoy being called an asshole, I wish them the best.

What I have asked for is a frank investigation as to the effect of what is basically a sub-culture on the mainstream culture- mainstream meaning pop culture, or anything that you might be able to find easily within a few clicks on your computer or television. Children are affected by mainstream culture, as are young adults. It is where they look to figure out what the world is all about.

Many college students and some high school students know about the Marquis de Sade, or have read The Second Sex. I suggest these students are the exception and not the rule.

I can only speak from my experience, and I do not claim to be an expert in S and M. I have stated several times in my comments I don’t think there is anything wrong with a little consensual slap and tickle between adults. I do have to question, as I think anyone would, why a man and woman might want to go further. I think it’s a fair question. I think it’s fair to say that the culture of S and M is not the norm for most people. If it is normal for you and your partner, I hope it brings you joy. I do, however, question why some of the commenters feel the need to attack me on such a strong and personal level. It belies an impatience with others and an internal rage that also concerns me.

I also am concerned with comments that state women are better than men. I don’t think that’s right or fair.

On another note: just because there are a lot of abused men and women out there doesn’t make it normal or right. I suggest considering each and every persons basic human dignity in order to try to elicit compassion for each and every person- even the one that attacks you. That doesn’t make me better than anyone – it makes me able to live in the world with my heart open.

I have no desire to hate anyone, or fight anyone or make anyone feel worse than they may already do. If my comments about finding certain humiliations in S and M practices disturbing have made you feel like I am judging you as a human being I am deeply regretful. I remain unconvinced that it is a practice that should be made available to children and people under eighteen as a usual sexual practice between adults.

When I was fifteen years old, my date – a guy one year older than me – took me to the local university to a movie. It was “A Clockwork Orange.” I was deeply shaken by the experience and did not want to kiss the boy afterwords, but be taken straight home. I refused to date him again after that. Watching the horror and violence in that film at that age scared the heck out of me. I didn’t find it funny, or sexy or brilliant. I found it frightening and I could not understand why my date would want to take me to see that film.

I will point out that Stanley Kubrick, the director of the film, and staunch defender of free speech, had the film banned in the UK as a reaction to copycat gang rapes and attacks on innocent civilians that came about after the release of the film.

I think my reaction as a fifteen year old was “normal.” I think most fifteen year old girls would feel the same way. I don’t think allowing them to see extreme sexual acts as commonplace is a healthy thing for their developing psyches. Do we really need to rip away young people’s innocence so soon? They are going to learn about it all at least by the time they are twenty. Can’t we allow them to have fifteen to twenty years of innocence and a gentler introduction into the complexities of human nature? What is so wrong about that?


5 thoughts on “On Comments

  1. Ah, Cady, you are far too intelligent and wise and good for this crazy world. But you have indeed touched a nerve, and good for you! Just keep moving forward, and to hell with the nutcases. 🙂

    1. No, everyone who engages in BDSM is not a nutcase, but the ones who are spitting mad about your insightful thoughts sure don’t make a compelling case for it…

  2. You should wear your “asshole” hat with pride, Cady. What you wrote in the article had an impact and I am sure you intended for it to have resonance and not just with the people who agree with you. In this case, you challenged and shook someone so far to their core that the only way they were left to defend themselves (and perhaps stay in their own denial) was with name-calling. Either way, I believe your article made everyone who read it think twice about the subject matter. And if getting people to “think” makes you an asshole, well then you are one asshole I am glad to know. As Bette Davis said, “It’s a sign of your worth sometimes, if you’re hated by the right people.”

  3. Cady,

    It amazes me how difficult it is to have a dialogue on the web. I’m sorry that people were not just disagreeing with your stance but being offensive and belligerent in addition. Your position upon the topic of pornography, S & M practices and the exposure of youth to either was a model of rationally presented thought. Perhaps those who felt defensive about their difficult to justify position in the darker dwelling spaces of human sexuality were the main ones who felt driven to express their displeasure via the anonymity of the internet. Regardless of such unpleasant responses, please know that there are many others who read your blog and commend you for speaking out upon the dangers of this topic. I look forward to reading your future musings.


  4. Cady

    I am sorry some of the feedback was so negative. I hope you would not include mine in that category.

    Unfortunately, as someone who expresses himself in various forums and formats online, I do know that it opens you up to all kinds of response, some more gratifying and enlightening than others, to say the least.

    I hope you will continue saying what you believe.


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