Letting in and Letting Go

If life has taught me anything, it is that feeling close to another human being is the greatest feeling there is.  To feel connected, understood, accepted for who you are is what we are all looking for, what we all yearn for.  What gets in the way are the experiences we have had where others have treated us wrongly, hurt us or rejected us or shamed us.

How to recover that sense of trust?  How does one embrace the vulnerability required to allow another person to really know you- your fears, your insecurities, your dreams and desires?  It’s all very risky and requires two things: discernment and courage.

We can’t go throwing our love at just anyone and expect them to be able to handle it.  That is what kids do (and they should) with their parents.  When parents are screwed up, they leave the kids with all kinds of unfulfilled needs for connection.  Trust me, I know all about this.  Later, as a struggling adult, discernment helps you choose who you will trust with your fragility, your tenderness, your needs.  It took me a long, long time to gain this and I have had to make a lot of mistakes, trust a lot of the wrong people to learn just how important it is.  What I am suggesting is that you can CHOOSE who you will love.  In fact, I think it is one of the most important and powerful things you can ever do in your life.

Then comes courage.  To allow this person that you have carefully vetted to be close to you, to know you, is a courageous act.  It is so much easier to hide, to present a false idea of who you are or how you feel to another.  Most people when asked, “How are you,” will simply state, “Fine!  How are you?”  It’s pretty normal to not want to go there with your true feelings.  The thing is, if you don’t, you will skip that moment when a real connection can be made.  It feels so good to get a hug when you are down from someone who you know really cares about you, doesn’t it?

This is my wish for 2012, for myself and for you: that we let in the people we choose to trust. That we allow the goodness of life outweigh the sorrow.  That we forgive those who have hurt us, but we don’t forget.  That we move towards those who will cradle our hearts with tenderness and gracefully and allow those who cannot or will not understand our needs- to carry on elsewhere without worry or concern.  Everyone is on the path that they need to be on.  Finally, to feel, really feel the love that others have for us.  It’s the best feeling there is.

 

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3 thoughts on “Letting in and Letting Go

  1. Thank you, Cady, for your wonderful insight and the truely wonderful words of wisdom. Sometimes it takes alot of bad experiences before people learn what they are doing. We live with what we grew in and at times it may be the wrong thing. We live by the way of examples. In other words, we live with what we saw. Many times people may make the wrong choices and have to suffer the conciquences. Sometimes it’s very hard and we have to live with the shame and the pain. But one has to learn to forgive and not forget the experience. It’s hard but it comes from oue inner self. Thank you Cady for your wisdom and words of inspiration. You are truely a wonderful friend to have. God bless you in the coming year. May 2012 be your great year for blessings.

  2. Thank you, Cady, for taking the time to connect with your fans and friends, and for the helpful articles, like the one above about letting go. It is indeed a process, and enabling oneself to trust again, quite an endeavor, as well. I have learned to be more discerning, so some good has come of it. Your articles about writing are very informative and inspirational, also. It’s been a long-time dream of mine to write a fiction book sometime. Maybe one day I’ll get started! Wishing you all the best for 2012 and beyond!

  3. Well written and well said, Cady. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s amazing, you’ve said so many things that I’ve been feeling over the yrs. Just last night, I was watching The Help. There is a line, “I think courage skipped a generation.” That is so true of myself and my daughter. She is so much more couragious than I am:) It’s amazing to me how those little things stick in your head and affect you.

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