I turned my book in to my agent last night. All 306 pages of it. Granted four or so of those pages are the title page and the table of contents, but it’s still quite a tome!
I’m sure an editor will have a few suggestions to make, pages they will want to cut, and changes they will want me to implement, but this phase is one in which I say, “Okay, I have poured over every word. It is complete as I can make it. Let’s take the next step.”
It is a strange feeling, this cross roads. I miss the book already. In writing, I spent a lot of time with my past. As you may have figured out, the book is about my youth. My upbringing to be exact, and the myriad of experiences I had as a child actor in Hollywood. It is about abuse of innocence on one level, but on another level it is about the deep love and loyalty I had for my mother, and the grief I felt when she died. She was a complex person, flawed in many ways. She left me with feelings that took me years to understand.
Perhaps now is the moment for me to realize that while I have done what I can to stop the legacy of the family disease of alcoholism, my love for her and her love for me was pure and good on a core level. It lives on inside me as I choose to forgive all she could not do or be.
I am also grateful that I had some amazing experiences in show business. Although I may have been very young, I got to be a part of movie and television history now and then, something most people don’t get the chance to do. “There’s no business like show business,” that is for sure, but I think I have come out of this investigation with more love, not less, for the acting profession. Actors are miners of emotional caves, artists who create new people out of thin air. What a beautiful way to make a living!
Today I choose to live in the hope that this book will touch you, inspire you, or move you in some important way in your life. I think it will be an individual journey for all who read it. I want you to come into my story, which is in a way, a story so many of us have had to live through. In doing so, and by sharing your stories (like you did on my Detachment blog) you will help me heal.
Thank you for sharing my journey with me.