I woke up the other day feeling sort of “off.” I knew I had a lot on my mind, a lot of pressing responsibilities, decisions, pressures I was feeling. When I get like this I feel sort of “up against a wall.” I have learned that if I don’t stop and let my subconscious have something to say, I am going to blow.
So I decided instead of getting drunk, or getting in a stupid argument, or tweeting something totally outrageous and obnoxious or stuffing my feelings with a delicious but not necessarily nutritious Magnolia Bakery cupcake…. I would make some art.
I collect strange little bits and pieces and have for many years, so I have quite a collection. I also have come to accept that there is a wounded darkness inside me that makes strange choices when I make art. I allow that side to have “her” say when I sit down at the table with all the glitter and glue. It is her time to speak. Her needs must be heard and I have learned that for myself, this is one of the best ways to allow her the space and expression she needs.
How surprised I was when I started to make this baby. I thought I’d probably make some sulky image, something dark and angry, but instead this beautiful little baby wanted to fly out onto the page.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about emotional wounds and healing. I have come to believe that there is a self within that cannot be violated. I call it “The Inviolate Self.” I don’t even know if that is a word, but whatever. It’s a word now. It means, “the pure self, the spirit within that is you and will always be you, even after you die. It is the you that guides you, that holy self, the deeply loving self connected to all things.”
I believe that self can “see” all our wounds, all the damage that has been done to us, and by us. I believe it does not judge but simply loves and loves and loves and loves. And waits. If I move toward it, it blossoms and shows beauty and more love to me. Maybe some people would call this God. I don’t know. God is a big word. I only know it is pure and bigger than myself, even though it is my “self.”
I hope looking at this baby reminds you of that “self” in you. I hope it is healing for you- as it is for me. The baby sees: s/he knows what you’ve been through. It knows you have been hurt, but are still whole. It knows you have made mistakes, but are still good. It does not judge. I don’t think it even thinks like we do. It simply IS. And it loves. And it cannot be broken. And that’s the power of the healing baby.